pretty

by Kat Nap

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1.
Patchwork 02:14
you called me pretty and it didnt sit right now instead of smiling when you ask i just get quiet don't be this way don't be this way god don't make me this way momentary weakness the last lines of defence against the irregularities inside of me that push me from it when the closet door closes nobody hears a thing when the pink and purple ribbons pull so tight that i cant think straight don't be this way cant be this way god how long have i been this way so aimless is the word that i cant stand im shameless until i put back on my pants you called me pretty and i didn't forget how i run my fingers through it until it starts to make some sense
2.
pull the blinds down i don't wanna wake up plain and gray wind blowing over little rocks you don't have to go tiny bugs stuck banging on my window built to spill don't tell me you already know my eyes will get so wide i don't want you to see me in this body i scraped together I've been growling at the mirror at least three years as long as i can remember wanna see my face through your face and then i could understand stuck on the inside looking down at your hands draped over my hands walk it off wait can i still call you that keep your head down if only til we make it back im not cut out for this imperfect pleasure exquisitely unstisfied death do we until then burning lines i don't like its no secret kid make me in your image lord or make me in your ashtray i wanna see what i would look like born under a different name when you touch my chest i wish there was something for you to hold but i can settle for a handshake no ill never get that old i don't want you to see me in this body i scraped together I've been growling at the mirror at least three years as long as i can remember wanna see my face through your face and then i could understand stuck on the inside looking down at your hands draped over my hands
3.
Our Room 03:04
if i were sweet beyond the limits of my reach there'd be a tall and sturdy tree wed build a birdhouse underneath free from the terror of the corner of my mind twin beds of flowers stems entangled in their vines thought escapes words I've felt your pull all of my life two magnets split by earth a whole of beings made of light im not one for crystal balls but im seeing calls in sick to lie in bed and read with you in a perfect room our room

credits

released August 16, 2022

written and recorded by holly

thank you to gillian, thomas, no, haley, lilly, and everyone else who helped me get to a point where i could say these things out loud

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Kat Nap Richmond, Virginia

my name is holly not kat nap

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